Posts Tagged ‘bam bam’
Trouble In “Paradise On Earth?” | Why Bam Bam Doesn’t Trust His Badasss Son, Kim Jong-Eun…
(“On the spot guidance”: an enfeebled Bam Bam plays shuffleboard with his new residential model dinkytoy)
September promises to be a humdinger of a “historical” month over in DPR Korea according to recent a South Korean news report.
Bam Bam, aka Kim Jong-il, the country’s much-maligned headman and pictured above waving around his oversized plaything, will be convening an all-senior Korean Worker’s Party (KWP) Congress in the autumn. The last time this happened was in 1966. Something must be up.
You think?
The rarer-than-the-Holy-Grail fall confab, according to ROK experts, will be an attempt by said ailing North Korean leader pygmy fascist to shore up his hardline ideological support for the eventual leadership succession which all NK observers now claim is a foregone conclusion. Transfer of “hereditary power” to Kim’s Swiss-educated youngest son, Kim Jong-un (Eun), aka the “Youth Captain” is happening, and sooner than we think.
Jong-un, the heir apparent, is alleged to be a dead ringer for his daddy-o’s temperament and affect. The apple of Kim’s fatherly eye is currently being fast-track groomed to take up the cudgel in defense of the oft-maligned nuclear peninsular statelet as Kim steps down due to health reasons sometime during the end of this year (that is, if untimely death doesn’t relieve the planet of his rancorous presence sooner).
(Is this Kim Jong-un? Anyone?)
Keeping the Spotlight on Kim Jong-il
(Jong Tae-se photoshopped onto a movie marquee. It says: “Protector of the Coal Miners, Jong Tae-se”)
Now that the 2010 World Cup odyssey is over for the North Koreans, Kim Jong-il (aka Bam Bam Malone) has been prematurely deprived of a convenient distraction with which to dodge the eight ball for March’s sinking of the corvette Cheonan. While the world – and, more importantly, the South Koreans – were distracted with events ongoing down in South Africa, he could at least enjoy something of a reprieve from a potential retaliatory strike on the part of Seoul. With the North Koreans booted convincingly, to he tune of 7-0, out of the tourney by the Portuguese, the possibility of a military move of some kind over on the Korean peninsula returns decidedly to center stage.
I covered a great short article in The Daily NK recently that told of heir apparent Kim “the Youth Captain” Jong-eun’s accompaniment of this father to a secure military installation last week as part of Kim’s “on the spot guidance” which the Dear Leader occasionally does. This was intended as a clear demonstration of the young Kim’s organizational capabilities and perhaps as a signal to Pyongyang watchers in the South and elsewhere that North Korea’s succession plans have been shunted to the fast track. The trip was conducted right under the nose of North Korea’s strong showing against the Brazilians in Jo’burg (June 15th), a match which supplied convenient cover for this latest bit of North Korean cloak and dagger intrigue.
Then there was this clever post over at China Hush that told of at least four NK players who made a break for the West following their team’s 2-1 congratulatory loss against the Brazilians. These four left ostensibly while the going was still good, not content to wait around for what might befall their teammates’ were the squad not as fortunate against the Portuguese in their upcoming match several days hence. They had apparently been correct in their reading the tea leaves, knowing their erratic Dear Leader only too well.
Things To Watch For In the Wake of NK’s Devastating Soccer Loss
After last night’s 7-0 shellacking at the hands of the powerful Portuguese in Cape Town, the North Korean soccer squad probably had much graver stuff on their minds than how they’re going to fare in their rubber match against the Ivoirians on Friday in Nelspruit.
When North Korean teams lose big, there are always consequences. Always. Things like getting chucked into a DPRK gulag – along with the rest of your family members – or having your exclusive privileges denied you, your name besmirched by the regime-controlled media, or perhaps even being killed in cold blood for having the audacity of losing on the world’s stage.
So there was indeed lot on the line during Monday night’s Group G match, and the pressure was likely colossal on the North Korean side to overperform. The shoddy results, alas, spoke for themselves. By the third Portuguese goal, which arrived just before the halftime break, it appeared as though the DPRK’s players were already thinking about their next moves far beyond South Africa’s shores.
A Verbatim Transcript of Hu Jintao’s Meeting With Kim Jong-il?
(Bam Bam clinks grape juice glasses with Chinese President Hu during their “secret” May meeting in the PRC)
It has lately been my opinion that political punditry is rarely best dispensed immediately following a monumental bilateral event. This is doubly true especially when trying to second-guess the inner-workings of the Asian political mind.
Given how contentious high-level Asian confabs often tend to be — resulting in fatal blows delivered weeks – often months – down the track, Asian punditry and political analysis – very much like revenge – is best served stone cold. The optimal time to re-examine these events is when they can no longer be heard in the echo chamber.
In this case, I’m referring to the much-heralded meeting between Chinese President Hu Jintao and North Korean supremo Kim “Bam Bam” Jong-il (pictured above), a tête-a-tête which took place during the Dear Leader’s hasty swing through the PRC aboard his custom-designed bulletproof locomotive. Billed as Kim’s “secret trip,” the North Korean dictator’s sudden arrival in China was likely a sloppy combination of a previously scheduled bilateral affair and the unexpected necessity of an 11th-hour rush job, brought about by the untimely sinking of the South Korean navy corvette, Cheonan, that lead to 46 South Korean sea deaths.
For the purposes of today’s post, let’s avoid an assignation of blame for the ship’s mysterious sinking. Given how the UN has already announced the results of its crack team’s investigative report on the incident, blaming the DPRK, it’s rather pointless, don’t you think> With the blame placed firmly at Kim’s feet, coupled with how, quite naturally and expectedly, the UN, South Korea, and their various allies have joined the loud chorus of anti-DPRK boos, while China – ever the wily Middle Kingdom, and crafty Middle Broke – hovers safely at the sidelines in its purgatory-like state of falling neither here nor there when it comes to vilifying Kim, I question the point in adding my voice to the ruckus. I’m sure you feel the same way.
Bam Bam’s (aka Kim “Call Me Your Dear Leader” Jong-il’s) Most Coveted Personal Possessions
(the Dear Leader demonstrating his most sultry, open-mouthed ingénue pose – are you turned on?)
The time is soon upon us when Bam Bam will pass onto the next world. Yes, that “other” supernatural Paradise, but this one high in the sky, and not his beloved North Korean “Paradise On Earth.”
His possessions will be inherited by the North Korean state for posterity and rumors will eventually fly about the true nature and secret life of the leader of one of the most cloistered, inward-looking punchy statelets in the world. Speculation will brew as news of the Dear Leader’s private life becomes the sole obsession of Koreans of all stripes, on the net, on the news, and in the private conversations of bar- and cafe-frequenting Koreans, both north and south of the DMZ.
I got to thinking about the more popular items in the Dear Leader’s personal collection which scholars may wish to study and analyze for clues as to Kim’s personality. Items which will provide insight into the North Korean despot’s foibles, mannerisms, and affect, providing hints and clues about his leadership style or manner of governance. Items we’ll be writing about in books about the Dear Leader’s life in due time, the sorts of doodads and other tschotschkes which’ll fill the pages of books well into the next decade.
So which sorts of items, exactly?
North Koreans Aren’t All Evil Unthinking Warmongering Robots, Prove Laura & Lisa Ling in Their New Book
(Laura Ling and Euna Lee’s triumphant return to Burbank, California following their incarceration in Kim Jong-il’s so-called “Paradise On Earth” – I think y’all know who that guy on the left is with the Cheshire cat grin?)
It’s no secret: I haven’t been as prolific on the Chinglosphere as I was during weeks previous…though surely not for lack of trying.
I realize some of my global fans, followers, and admirers are a bit miffed with my ass for switching self-promotion formats, focusing more intently on videoblogs this week as opposed to the usual textual goodness. That’s because I’d kitted myself out recently with a new Flip Ultra HD cam and since then have been supplying you with near-daily videoblog dispatches from the battle front here in very dangerous, very industrious, alcohol-free Prague. Also, I’d been away from the camera for almost five months and it was time to return to that playing field and I know you’d missed my mug and totally brilliant musings. And since we’d done such a marvelous job with the vid shenanigans from China, the time had perhaps come to shake off some of the cobwebs, Spidey.
So this week I’m going all Old Skool on ya, children. And damn, do I feel rusty!
Is Bam Bam Really As Intimidating As He Appears To Be?
Unidentified Blogging Location | Liking It, Nevertheless
13:30h CET
So what do those wily North Koreans have planned for us this week?
(weighing in at 130 pounds…standing 4’8” in the red corner…Bam Bam “Dear Leader” Kim!)
The good ol’ boys at new kid on the E-bang block china/divide chimed in this weekend about North Korea’s totally rude sinking of the Cheonan cutter, polling their readership on what China’s next move should be if the temperature along the always-tense 38th parallel rises any higher.
Some really incisive comments beneath Chucky Custer’s post, as per usual over there, though this time with little of that troll-like asskickery care of the Chinglosphere’s hoi polloi typically accompanying some of “the divide”’s more caustic all-about-China pieces.
Still, I was chuffed (did I just use that gay line?), because it gave me a chance to share my views about a country whose strategic intentions I’ve studied thoroughly and who (which?) I know a thing or three about.
But first, them poll results (29 votes, as of this date and time):
Andrei Lankov | A Man Who Really Knows His North Korea Stuff
(a decidedly more scaled-down Bam Bam presses the tight Asian flesh with Chinese President Hu “’Dat?” Jintao last week)
The East Asia Forum has somehow become one of my regular all-Korea info superhighway way stations over these past few months. I’m happy about this and while I’m not there all that often, whenever I do happen to pop by I’m usually blown away by the stuff on offer.
Blown. Away.
Whether it’s Aidan Foster-Carter’s much needed color on the DPRK’s realpolitik, or Andrei Lankov – himself a former Russian student in Pyongyang during Soviet times – supplying his cogent analysis, I’m always rendered amazingly less discombobulated about what’s happening inside the Hermit Kingdom than before.
Lankov’s latest Forum piece is entitled “Why Does China Continue to Support North Korea?” and it’s a hum-dinger for anyone craving clarity on the purpose and nature of Bam Bam’s “secret” trip to the PRC last week.
The post’s author provides two very specific reasons – throwing a wildcard third into the mix just in case things go completely boobs up – as to what the Chinese might have been up to by hastily (?) inviting Kim to the PRC, and why – despite all sensible and practical reasons militating against their continuing to do so – the Chinese persist in propping up a DPRK dictatorship that always seems mere days away from disintegrating.
So What Exactly Was Dear Leader Bam Bam (Kim Jong-il) Up To In China This Week? Does Anyone Really Know?
(final photo credit: Petar Kujundzic Pedja)
The Chinese blogosphere – both its English language and Chinese flavors – was positively on fire the other day over dictator Bam Bam’s (aka, Kim Jong-il) 5-day secret visit to China from May 3rd to 7th.
Dalian, a former Japanese Army garrison town and close enough to the DPRK for Bam Bam to make a mad dash for home in the unlikely event the Chinese haven’t adequately addressed Kim’s paranoid security concerns, was absolutely swamped by roving Japanese and Korean media hordes for whom this was their story highlight of the week. And I don’t blame them either: if Kim lets fly a few of those nukes in his purported deep radioactive arsenal, guess who’s coming between North Korea’s cross-hairs first?
(pictured above: police cordon Kim’s motorcade route as the Kim limo arrives safely in Dalian, China)
Kim’s most un-cloak and dagger visit has brought tremendous controversy in its wake.
There have been the lavish hotel stays at Dalian’s 5-star Furama Hotel for the purportedly insane nightly sum of 16,000 RMB (almost $2,400). There have been the aforementioned hypersensitive security arrangements, the special catering carted in for Kim from all points abroad, the usual harem, the crack medical team on 24-hour call in the event Kim suddenly drops dead, and the usual slew of lavish goodies any veteran dictator worth his reputation might ask for.
Still, kudos to the Kim-ster for traveling. At least he does. Slobo hardly used to and Saddam never left the safe confines of his palatial hive in Baghdad.
Dear Bam Bam (Kim Jong-il) | A Celebratory Missive from Chinese President Hu Jintao to the North Korean Midget Despot on the Occasion of His Father’s 98th Birthday Celebrations
Dear Leader Kim Jong-il
Chairman of the National Defense Commission
Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army
General Secretary of the Workers Party of Korea
Presidential Palace, Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
Dear Bam Bam,
Salute To Our Work!
Well first things first…
I believe I speak on behalf of the entire Chinese nation – all 55 disgruntled, though harmonized, ethnicities of us – when I say many happy returns on your father’s 98th birthday!
It is indeed an auspicious day today, though not nearly as auspicious as events are set to become by 2012 for his centenary. I won’t be in office by then, as you know, though I’m still planning on making my way up to Pyongyang for the festive and have set aside a case of your favorite single malt for the celebratory. You’ve already mentioned how your Austrian doctors have already strongly advised you against knocking back a few snifters given how it will aggravate your already raging venereal disease — a confidence I intend on taking with me to my grave, as I’d vowed during our last boar hunting trip on Holy Mount Paektu – but a taste never hurt anybody.
ADM Videoblog #89 -- "Only Quitting Predicts the Outcome" on Vimeo http://post.ly/w8Mu9 hours ago from Posterous
@Christinarose12 Great to get some insights on your craft, CR. I didn't know you're from MI! We were, like, neighbors!10 hours ago from web